THE PARK

It was a cool autumn day, could be in any small town in England. I’m sat on park bench, kicking the leaves beneath my feet, nothing else to do. I can’t even feel the cold air, mainly because I’m swigging on a bottle of cider my second bottle today. Its not even dinnertime yet as the workers have not come down from the offices in the buildings that overlook the park. I sit here most days for hours on end, trying to forget about my past. I once worked in similar offices years and years ago but through bad look or bad choices I made in my life I’m sat here now. Drinking my self to the point of forgetting all that has gone so wrong in my life.

As I get bored of the swirling of the leaves beneath my feet, my eye catches a small bird sitting quite happily on a tree branch not many feet away from where I sit. He seems to be watching me, god knows why, why would a bird be interested in me. Drunken has-been that's wasted half his life, but none the less he keeps looking, he even starts to chirp a little tune. Odd little fellow have you not got anything better to do, should you not be finding some worms to eat, I pondered to myself. Ten minutes had past and I had given up my game with the leaves, yet this little fellow was still staring at me, well it seemed like he was staring, maybe he was looking at something over my shoulder. So I turned around and could only see an old pram with no wheels left by someone to go rusty in the open air. It can’t be that I thought, so it must be me was my assumption; I had no bread to give him or anything that I feel he would like. Only my bottle of cider and I’m sure he would not like that. Maybe he was after my cider after all. It is made of apples, no stop having stupid thoughts I told myself, he’s a bird they don’t drink cider. Well after going through everything I thought in my mind he could be searching for, I came to the conclusion that he must be lost like me, gone off the tracks and gone stark raving bonkers. He had probably been kicked out of the nest by his lady wife and had flown around in circles until he had no idea what to do.

So here he was now just like me staring at his identical in the human world. I don’t want another friend like this as I reflected, another no hoper, how could I move on with a bird like that around me. I already had tons of acquaintances that past through the park every day, all of them no hopers like me. All trying not to look at the past yet having no hope for the future, none of these people had been any help to me, they just made matters worse, they only had ideas of how to block out life. So why should this bird be any different. Just another no hoper to add to the list, nothing he could do to help me, and nothing I could do to help him. How could I help him make it up with his lady wife, no point thinking about it, I am no good at making things work with people let alone helping this poor bird out. This had gone on for too long the bird was starting to get to me now, I wished he would just clear off, had enough of my own troubles without having to worry about his.

So as is my usual way of ending such a dilemma, I decided to end this meeting between our two worlds, brought together by sadness. I looked around my feet for something I could throw; just under the bench was a broken branch about a foot long. I leaned down so that I could grasp the stick within my hands; keeping my eyes on the bird, which was still watching my every movement. I lifted up the stick and held it above my head. Holding it aloft hoping he would fly away before I would do my act of destruction. He just stood there, but instead of moving he started to chirp another tune.

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God what have I got here I thought a suicidal bird singing his death song. Well at least he gets to play his own song at his funeral, better than someone choosing the lords my shepherd for me without even asking. At least his misery would not last much longer; my life might go on for years to come in this state. Could be here until I’m ninety drinking myself silly maybe my brain will give way before then and I wont be able to think or worry any more. With the stick held aloft I pulled my arm back ready to throw it at this poor devil, stood there chirping his final song, not doing it his way I surmised, he had no choice  unlike Frank Sinatra. He was pushed out of his home, how could that be his way, furthermore how could it be his way, that someone that he has known for little over ten minutes was going to end his life.

 What had I become someone ready to kill a poor living creature just because I did not understand its actions? The poor bird might not have even left his wife; he may be still seeking one for all I knew. And I was about to kill him before he even found her. What am I doing putting all my awful thoughts on this poor bird. He may just be resting before going on a long journey; he could be doing anything for all I knew.  Typical me as usual judging something before I knew the truth and what a judgment I would be making if I threw the stick at the bird. I’m not god I can’t take someone’s life. So steadily I lowered my arm and dropped the stick to the floor beside me.

Now I sat still wondering what was really going on, my furtive imagination gone out of control not for the first time in my life. I closed my eyes as tight as I could to shut all these terrible feelings that were erupting inside of me. Trying to think about something different. My mind drifted to when my mom used to take me to the park. I would play for hours and hours not having to worry about anything at all, until I was too tired to play anymore and the only thought left was to go to sleep happy and to dream of playing some more the next day. I wish life could be like that again, as I held on to that thought a teardrop started to roll down my cheek, as one drop came another one followed, until I was sat there sobbing. Just me my tears and this bird alone in the park on another autumn day. Still with my eyes closed hoping everything would just go away hoping for a dream like the ones I used to have as a child.

As I sat there reminiscing I heard something move swiftly through the air and then felt something a presence on my lap. Too scared to open my eyes, I decided to keep them shut, as I sat there sobering up from the drink, fearful towards life, afraid of what was resting on my lap.  Suddenly An Immense bright light entered my mind so immense I could do nothing but open my eyes. And what a sight I greeted with. The bird was sat on my lap holding a very small egg in its beak. Maybe it was female bird after all, I would never know as within seconds of me noticing what was going on, it dropped the egg in my lap and flew off. It circled the trees once and disappeared for good. 

 As I Looked down at this egg, which peculiarly was quite warm. I was left more confused than ever, trying to work out what I was supposed to do with it. Unknowing what to do I wrapped it up in some tissue and placed it into an empty cigarette box, in my pocket. Fed up of sitting in the park I decided to take a walk to the shop. I had become sober and I did not like the thoughts I was getting, so the best bet was to get something to drink, so than once more I could hide again. I walked down the road contemplating how many bottles it would take me to get drunk, so that I could fall asleep and not wake up until the next day. Usually another two would do but considering the day I was having I was going to buy three for good luck. Better to hide from the world than to face up to your problems, I knew nothing better after years of brainwashing from all the other alcoholics in the park.

I would turn all the analogies around that people used to say, such as you’re a long time dead so spend your life living, that became you’re a long time living so your better off dead. I turned a stitch in time saves nine into no stitches in time leave you bare not wearing a stitch at all. All these old wives tales meant nothing anymore so I had to look on the black side of things to just get through each day. Walking steadily my mind swamped with thoughts about everything and anything, I heard a noise not too dissimilar from the noise the bird made before I was going to throw the stick; this noise was coming from my pocket. I stopped to investigate I opened my pocket then the cigarette box to see a little chick popping its head out of the egg shell. Stood there in amazement I watched the chick straighten its head and take a gasp of air, the same dirty air I was breathing, he was not bothered about that, he gulped it up with so much vigour it took my breath away. I stood there for ages watching this baby bird move this way and that; he looked so excited just to be alive, it was almost infectious. And for the first time in ages I knew what was missing from my life, this new ness I saw in front of me, was what was missing.

 I had become accustomed to wishing everything to end or looking on the negative side of everything. Now within my hands I was holding new life, a new way of looking at things, it was now obvious that I should seek a fresh way of looking at my life a fresh start. Just as this chick had a fresh start with all to look forward to, I needed to look at life the same. I looked after the chick for several weeks until he decided that his home was not with me, he flew off hopefully to meet up with his mom again. Not long after that I stopped drinking, I did not want to hide any more, I knew there was so many new things in this world I needed  to try, whatever the outcome of my life I will always remember the bird that I could not understand, yet he showed me the error in my ways and wanted nothing in return.